I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
