Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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