He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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