How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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