why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
