Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
