Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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