ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
