I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
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couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
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You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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