but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just want to make out with him forever
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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