At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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