while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
