Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
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I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
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He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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