Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
she woke up with a sticky ear
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
