Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
