You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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