drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
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he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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