I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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