you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
