is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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