YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Everyone says I win the strip club
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
