STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
