Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize