I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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