I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
