Fine. I'll sleep in my office
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
