thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize