I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
