I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
