I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
