Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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