Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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