I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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