found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
