he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
