i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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