i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
pop tarts are not kleenex
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
