He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
