My underwear smells like fireworks.
you traded sex for a burrito?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I need moral support for this bender
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
