do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
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Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
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