i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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