dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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