i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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