Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
