Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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