Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
