I am spending my child support on dildos
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
