Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
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