Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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