He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
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What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
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I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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