I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You are a genius and a whore.
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