just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
COCAINE IS GR8
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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