i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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