Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
