covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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