My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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